PRE-QUAL!

And so the time is at last upon me.
PRE-QUAL.
Yes, KMA and the black belt pursuit has its own language and logic.
Pre-qual, or pre-qualify, is what you need to do in order to get on the 12-week black belt cycle.
In order to pre-qual you need to have earned your three "tips." You can't start tip testing until you've learned the final traditional form, Chung Mu. These "tips" are tape stripes on your belt that you earn at grading for demonstrating your knowledge of the traditional and extreme forms.  (It's a good thing I wasn't being graded for knowing how to tie my bo-black belt because it turns out I've been doing it wrong for some time. This became apparent when, after finally being alerted to my mistake, a ma'am was trying to put on the the third tip but that part of the belt was now hidden and she could barely reach it. So now, when I tie on my bo-black belt, my tips are, sadly, hidden.)
Also in order to pre-qual, your 2-mile runs need to be consistently under 20 minutes.
Also, you need to be training at the bo-black level for a minimum of nine months before you can try to pre-qual.
So anyway, it takes some time and planning.
And now, it's here.
Well, it was last night!
What typically happens at pre-qual is about an hour of testing that includes all of the instruction we've learned up to this point (punches, kicks, blocks, stances, forms) and then the 2-mile run at the park immediately after. This typically happens on Saturday after classes, beginning about 1pm. But this being summer in the San Fernando Valley, the heat can get extreme. So anticipating the heat they moved pre-qual to Friday evening so the run wouldn't be in the middle of the day. But the temperatures this week have been EXTREME: it was predicted to be 108 on Friday. So they postponed the run to the next morning. That's when the team usually runs anyway, on Saturday mornings. However, a large brush fire broke out not too far away on late Friday afternoon sending billowing smoke over the valley. By Saturday morning it was snowing ash. So they cancelled (postponed) the run again.
I'm having mixed feelings about this:
Mostly I'm extremely grateful to be part of a dojang that truly cares about its students. But there's a little bit of guilt in there, too, because I'm not having the same testing experience of those black belts that came before me.
One friend, a black belt, reminded me that in addition to caring about their students, our Master and instructors really know what they're doing, too, so no need to worry about it being equal.
This is such a great journey.
So much of the challenge is mental. Way more than half. I've been working toward the physical challenge of pre-qual since the beginning of the year when I began core and strength conditioning on my own. I've been increasing my workout and keeping to them pretty regularly. I was motivated to stay on track because I didn't want to struggle at pre-qual. That stuff was under my control and I took it. And throughout that process I could feel myself getting stronger. Classes felt a little easier. My running time was improving. There's been a great, positive spiral.
So the challenge has been staying positive mentally and not letting my fears or nerves get the best of me.
I was fighting that all week long.
What helped was noticing how I felt a couple of times at the dojang this week. Once before class I noticed how good and happy and light I felt. Another time, after class, I noticed I felt happy and strong. I decided that each time I felt nervous, or noticed the FUDEs creeping in (FUDE = fear, uncertainty, doubts, excuses), I would push those aside and recall the lightness and happiness I felt.
Then I finally locked on to the message I needed for myself: LOVE. I love this work. I love this dojang. I adore these people. I feel so good and strong when I practice. I enjoy trying to get better. I LOVE THIS WORK. And remembering that made me smile and gave me the joy and lightness I needed to be able to perform better and stay focused.

One more bit: leading up to pre-qual I'd been asking around the dojang for advice. I even tried posting the question on the KMA Facebook page, but I never received any responses. I wanted to know about inspiring quotes or sports stories. I thought of looking up books at the library, but I wanted recommendations. I never really got any satisfactory answers.
Then, as I was going through some of the papers on my vanity (old logs where I kept track of the core and strength conditioning, inspirational quotes that had come off of the mirror, etc), I found exactly what I was looking for. I chuckled to myself. I had already had what I was looking for all along.